& just like that, i’ve forgotten all that i’m good at / the quiet fear suddenly blinking and kicking after living in a cave of gold stars / test scores carved onto the wall / 4.0 Gone Point Average and valedictorian of temporary victories / now / i say i’m a director but don’t even know the direction of my own life / someone hand me a heartbeat sheet before the end credits roll / before i lose my mouth to a stranger’s hands without memorizing a script first / pressure makes diamonds but what if i want to be more soft than sparkling / trust me / i never did this for treasure / glass eyes wrapped in hunger / just wanted to weave wonder onscreen / spark the same feeling i’m still writing love letters to even when my mailbox stays empty / test question: how do i become lighter than all the water crashing in me? / buoy instead of body? / oh / there they go again / the stranger’s hands / so desperate for the pearl of my teeth i go silent before the kidnapping / long-term / i fear i’m walking on a tightrope with luck / (and everyone is watching to see if i fall) / so i’m frantically building a guesthouse in every story i pray lives longer than me / if not for me / then for all my loves both new and lost / look / these stained glass windows / flowers that never die / each month on the calendar named after a different joy / tulips, wishbone, bubblegum / coffee so strong that even when the world ends i know we’ll make it to the other side / let me get your coat / i promise it’s safe here / even when it’s storming / even when the stranger with the serpent tongue is knocking at the door / says he’s new to the neighborhood / just wants to be friends / and all he’s asking for / is your name